A dear friend of mine lost his mother this week. The moments of death & grief unfold unexpectedly yet predictably. That is, not knowing when or how they will arrive, they will come. And as a close friend who, as any of us do, wants to help ease the pain, I realize such skill doesn’t always easily come. And maybe it’s not suppose to. I can think of no more solitary journey than that of grief. Being surrounded by love, family and friends cannot, nor should it, alleviate that sacred walk along immortality and mortality, finite and infinite. Life and death. We all breathe it everyday, witness it ad nauseum through news media which desensitizes us with over sensationalism giving little to no regard for the sanctity of life and death. And the most difficult observation while grieving is the harsh realization that life around us marches on. How is it the people mindlessly go on while one of the most difficult of all life events has just hit you hard?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It is as unique to each of us as our own DNA. How I cope with such loss may greatly differ from your way. Neither is there any timeline for grief and its stay. But still, I fall into the trap of wanting to either enter in with you or relieve it for you…neither of which can I truly do. It is a solo spiritual wrestling within the soul.
So, as a consoling friend we can only fumble our way through “being there”. Do I stay or should I leave? Give the hug or give the space? Attempt conversation or sit in silence? It can turn into a fretful sense of unsettled helplessness followed by the painful blow that I just can’t fix everything no matter how much I may want to.
I have “boxed” in the Circle of Life with these expectations. I have forgotten the reason I call you friend. And then, thankfully, love unleashes the binding walls.
And so, I will love. And I will trust Love to know. It is not my journey but yours. I love you my friend. It is all I have. And in love, the Circle of Life remains.